Alyssa J Freitas

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Breakup Etiquette

It happens all the time. Every hour of every day of every year, in fact (and no, I don't have any statistics to back this up, but I am fairly certain it is true). What is "it" you ask? People breakup. Now, I don't normally post anything about boys, but I am making an exception just this once to discuss what the proper etiquette is when you go through a breakup. From when you know it's coming, to the actual conversation, and the aftermath, I'm going to walk you through what you need to know.

Breakup Etiquette |

If you are the one doing the breaking up:
Ok, so you know it's coming. You and your significant other aren't working out. Don't worry darling, it happens to the best of us. If you know the time is coming and you are the one who is going to initiate that tough conversation make sure you refrain from making long term plans (seems obvious, but you'd be surprised...) and make sure to have the conversation in a private place, because you don't know how the other party will react.

When it comes to actually having the conversation, remain calm and say what you need to. It may help to think about what you are going to say beforehand so you don't get nervous and so you can express yourself clearly. While it's not always necessary to give a "why," you should tell the other person what lead you to your decision (as long as the reasons are valid, of course). It is essential to give him time to process what you've said and respond. Be fair and answer all of his questions and talk with him instead of dropping the bomb and running.

After the breakup things can either be really easy or really tricky. If you don't have to see the person anymore and if your paths don't normally cross you should keep it that way. However, if you are forced to see one another I encourage you to be friendly, but don't seek out his company too much. For you it might not be a big deal, but could be very painful for the other person. Remember that the whole point of etiquette is to make the other person feel at ease so keep his feelings at the forefront of your mind.

When it comes to social media, it can get even more difficult. Obviously, relationship statuses should be removed and I would suggest that you simply put "no information to show" instead of proudly proclaiming that you are single; this can come across as insensitive. Treat him how you would want to be treated and you will be all set.

If you are the one broken up with:
I am truly sorry. It can be so hard to be broken up with, especially if you did not know it was coming or if your significant other did not read this post and know how to behave. You can be left feeling confused, wondering why. Although your emotions may feel out of control, you can be in command of your response and actions. When looking for a role model of someone who handled a breakup perfectly, I always think of the baroness in The Sound of Music (I searched YouTube but could not seem to find the scene from the movie). When Von Trapp breaks things off with her, she wishes him well and removes herself from the situation with such style and grace. Aspire to be like her!

When having the conversation do your best to remain in control of your emotions. Ask any reasonable questions you have, express your sadness, but then walk away. As Angelina Jolie said, "It is better to have nobody, than to have someone who is half there, or doesn't want to be there."

I could write a whole other post about how to deal with a breakup, but right now we're just looking at the etiquette of the situation so refrain from talking to everyone about it and do your best to go about your business like normal. I'm not suggesting that you don't take time to mourn the relationship, but ensure that it does not affect your work and other areas of your life. If you have to see him because of circumstances outside of your control be pleasant but don't seek him out. Take the time and space you need.

And about social media...while you don't need to unfriend him, you should certainly block his posts or stop following him. There is no need to continue to know what he's up. Cut the ties girl!

So that's what you need to know! Your main goal is to put the other person at ease, behave in a manner that you will be proud to look back on, and although it may not be what you wanted, it is essential that you remember that your reactions define who you are, so tread carefully. Best of luck to all the forlorn hearts out there.


Tuesday, May 26, 2015

The Busy Phenomenon And How To Overcome It

I am so pleased to share with you that my first article is up on Her View From Home! Her View From Home is "a lifestyle magazine that connects your view to the rest of the world" and is written by women across the country. Here is a sneak peak of my article; to read the rest click here.

The Busy Phenomenon And How To Overcome It | alyssajfreitas.blogspot.comRecently I've seen more and more articles coming up about the focus in our culture on being busy. It seems that we measure our worth based on how in demand our time is. The more notifications I get on my phone, the more times an alert goes off from my calendar that I have somewhere to be, and the longer my to do list, the more simultaneously overwhelmed and valued I feel.

Now although it is not a bad thing to do a lot and schedule the vast majority of your time, it becomes a problem when you take pride in being busy and sacrifice your sanity and relaxation time. Far too often I find myself breathlessly running from one obligation to the next with little time for myself. I have been working on saying no more often and taking the time to re-center myself, but it comes down to more than that. There needs to be a fundamental change in how we culturally determine our self worth.

Read the entire article here!


image source

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Her Campus 22 Under 22

She's passionate, motivated, caring, influential, driven, inspiring. She works tirelessly to make her vision a reality and will always stop to help others. We all know someone like this (you might even be her!) and Her Campus is recognizing 22 of these amazing women who are under 22 years old.

For those of you who don't know, Her Campus is the "#1 global community for college women" and is authored entirely by the world's top college journalists. There are chapters on many college campuses, including TCNJ (you can check out my posts for Her Campus TCNJ here). Basically, it's the go-to place for every college girl.

I am so excited to share with you the 22 Under 22 Most Inspiring College Women campaign because I firmly believe that we should recognize those who go above and beyond; the highest of achievers deserve to be acclaimed and can serve as role models for the rest of us :) It is easy to nominate someone, or enter yourself, and I highly encourage everyone to do it! 

Here's what you need to know:
  • Nominations run through May 31st, 2015
  • Any self-identifying female who is 22 or younger as of September 30th, 2015 who will be enrolled full time at an undergraduate institution in fall 2015 and who will graduate no sooner than December 2015 is eligible
The list of 22 Under 22 will be released in September 2015 after a panel of judges review nominations this summer. I can't wait to see who is chosen! 

Who are you nominating? Click here to enter


Thank you to Her Campus Media for partnering on this post

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Preparing For The Future

Get ready for another linkup with the lovely ladies from The Well! Be sure to check out my other posts from the linkup here. The question of the month is What are you doing (now) to prepare yourself for a better future? What do you think you should start doing to create a better future for yourself? Whoa, what interesting questions, right?!
Preparing For The Future |
In order to answer these questions, I need to have goals for my future; something I'm working towards which requires me to take steps now to prepare for it. As I finish up half of my college career (agh!) I am looking to the future with thoughts of employment. For a long time I was convinced I wanted to be an attorney. Now don't get me wrong, I still would love to go to law school, however through my experiences with sales courses and competitions I have realized that my talents can be used for a variety of careers. When it comes to preparing for the future, I am looking to continually improve my transferable skills and will do that by taking on more challenges and pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. That will mean seeking more responsibility in my work life and with my organizations.

As great as it is to look to the future and making it "better," I also believe that there is something to be said for embracing the here and now. I am one who is always looking to better herself and who thinks of her resume whenever she does anything (more here on why that isn't necessarily a good thing), however the present is something to be enjoyed. Granted there is always room for improvement, but we need not be obsessed with the future resulting in us missing out on what is wonderful about right now! Living in the future or with dissatisfaction in the present is detrimental and a shame. I am guilty of this on occasion, but have been making a conscious effort to find happiness in where I am today.

Identifying areas you want to work on is wicked important and essential to be successful, which is why I do truly like this question. As always, it is about striking the right balance between forward thinking and present enjoyment. Here is an image I created with a quote from Donald Altman which perfectly sums up what I'm trying to say. New phone background anyone?

Preparing For The Future |

What are you doing to prepare for your future? Do you agree that it's all about balance?


Check out the other bloggers who are part of the linkup:

Meg Biram Liska Monet 26 and Not Counting soak and simmer Knowing Kelly Carrie Loves Manifest Yourself Rae Loves White Cabana The Yuppie Files Little Wild Heart Life Modifier The Not Quite Adult Random Little Faves Perfect Enough For Us Always, Anita Feathers and Stripes Something Good The Golden Letter Leigh Clair York Avenue Sequins & Strawberries Emilie Lima Burke with love from ellie rejoyce Bite My Fashion White Oak Creative StyledbyKesha xo lacey Whitney Bangel Blog always craving Evann Clingan Turning the Corner...Fearlessly! IN THE GREY Beauty and the Pitch PRBlonde

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

How To Make The Most Of Your Morning Routine

I am an early bird, no doubt about it. My body naturally wakes up in the 6 o'clock hour regardless of what time I go to bed; this is both a blessing and a curse, but it does mean that I get a jump on the day.

How To Make The Most Of Your Morning Routine |
Since coming to college two years ago (#wheredidthetimego?), I've perfected my morning routine. Today I'm going to share with you what I do and help you figure out how to make the most of your morning routine. Let's get started!

How To Make The Most Of Your Morning Routine |

Here is a breakdown of what I do:
  • First, like I mentioned before, my body naturally wakes up. The time does vary within the 6 o'clock hour, but the majority of the time my eyes fly open at 6:40.
  • Next, I lie in bed while checking social media on my phone. A quick scroll through Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest gets my day started with a little inspiration. 
  • After about 10 minutes I get up and make my bed. This is essential! It's my first "accomplishment" of the day, makes my room look put together, and has been part of my routine since I was 5 years old. 
  • The fun really begins now when I pick out my outfit for the day. I'll usually check the weather, take a look at my calendar, and then choose accordingly. I love picking out shoes and accessories and putting a bit of effort into my look. I then do my makeup and hair which takes about 10 or 15 minutes.
  • Lastly, I put whatever I need for the day into my bag, throw on my coat, and head out the door to breakfast by 7:25 for the dining hall that opens at 7:30.    
Here are my tips for getting the most out of your morning:
  • After you get up (if you need an alarm, I can't really help too much in that respect. Here's an article about alarm clocks for heavy sleepers), take a few moments to get your mind in the right place. For me, that means looking at social media but for you it could be meditation, listening to your favorite song, or writing a list of what you want to accomplish that day. 
  • Now, I know not everyone likes to make their bed and that's totally fine (not really, but I'm working on not judging...) but do something that kick starts your day. Perhaps it's answering emails or checking something easy off of your list. 
  • Outfit time! I'm pretty decisive when it comes to picking out my clothing and accessories, but you can always do this the night before to save time. Like I mentioned, I take into account the weather and my schedule for the day which narrows down the choices. 
  • Streamlining your makeup routine is a huge help if you want to move quickly. I've been focusing on using the least amount of products possible while still achieving what I want to with my look. You can experiment to find out what's right for you!
  • When getting your bag together for the day, already having the essentials packed (like your planner, pens, etc) is a great help so you don't forget anything. Like your outfit, it may even be helpful to pack the night before.
Starting your day out right will allow you to be more relaxed, productive, and happy so make sure you put some thought in to how you will plan out your morning. Hopefully these tips and insights were helpful!

What does your morning routine look like? Any advice to share?


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